position in life . . .

this is just the way it has been lately -- i'm either on the top or the bottom w/ no in between or warning that my position is changing! i've just learned to roll my eyes, clinch my teeth, and/or cover my eyes as soon as i realize it's happening.

i don't really view this as a negative phase in life or a stagnant phase in life. i am always moving forward. i often compare my life to an avalanche. i'm either riding on the top of being drug along the bottom -- either way, though, i'm still moving forward all the time.

every time i have an experience like this, though, i wonder about those people who just seem to live dull lives. they never do anything and nothing ever happens to them -- good or bad. they just seem to exist. those people who have no drive to get anywhere in life, who are satisfied w/ being right where they are, those people who work "jobs" instead of having careers. i'm not demeaning those people -- i just don't understand. i'm always wanting to get better, do better, be better, learn more, do more, and on and on. i can't imagine what it would be like to work a job and then walk out at night and not think about work again, not care what happens w/ work and those people associated w/ it, not think/prepare/study for work. just to be content with what i/we had and where i/we were in life. just a totally different mindset and experience that i'm having in life. i don't mean it to sound as if i'm not content w/ life, but i just have so many goals/dreams in life that i want to achieve and i have such an internal personal drive to achieve these. i might not make it, but i'll die trying!

the page is painted w/ acrylic paint and sprayed w/ matte finish. writing in sharpie marker and statue is a picture from a magazine.